Do Not Feed the Birds


Outdoors. English springtime afternoon. An old lady sits on a bench beneath a tree, throwing crumbs to the birds and the background.

POLICEMAN:   Yes, we have learned a lot from psychotherapy and its relation to criminality. It’s given us a great insight into the human psyche, which, in turn allows us to do our jobs more effectively.

REPORTER:     Could you elaborate on that?


REPORTER:   (impatiently) What discoveries have been made? How have they improved policing?

POLICEMAN: (smiling smugly) Oh, well for instance we have completely revolutionised how we go about making an arrest. We have managed to reduce distress to the public, the perp, and the officer in one fell swoop, in turn making massive savings on resources and manpower. Continue reading


Are You Being Served?



A room; white walls, white seats, a woman in a crisp white uniform sits filing her nails. The faint smell of disinfectant lingers in the air. Automatic doors open, a man enters, wet with rain, he’s small, middle-aged and tired. He approaches the reception desk of the gymnasium. The receptionist stops filing…

RECEPTIONIST: Good morning, Sir. (jokingly) it’s a little early for a work-out don’t you think? I can still taste the toothpaste.

CUSTOMER: (uncomfortably): Oh, erm… yes I suppose it is… unfortunately, I’m not actually here for a work-out. Continue reading

Victims of Circumstance


A protagonist drives- well within the rules of the road, except for the fact he’s had three pints and is touching 50 in a 40. He’s trying to get home fast. His phone beeps, it’s a text from Cheryl. He accelerates and speeds away from her advances.
Approaching a roundabout he notices a car, parked, unlit, in front of the closed gates of an industrial off-ramp. He slows down in time to the see the shaded chevrons of a police car flashing in the review mirror. He glances between the mirror and road, still reducing speed, watching the darkened car… mirror… road… mirror… road… mirror… Headlights ignite. The wait is over. He turns his eyes back to the road then arcs his car around the bypass- line of sight is broken – his heart pounds, uselessly. The cards have been dealt. Three pints play their hand… Continue reading